“Untitled”

Here I am, staring at the pale moonlight,
Waiting for you tonight,
But it feels like nothing ever happened right,
I’m trying, but I’m losing courage to fight.

We started as friends,
Hanging out, laughing, and crying
But something’s happened,
It feels like I’m falling.

I don’t have the strength to say
Because I want you to stay
But I can’t keep it inside.
For me, you’re hard to find.

Before, I wish I wasn't in love with you
so you couldn't hurt me.
I wish I could go back, to the day before we met,
and skip anything I regret.

It looks like I slept a hundred years
And I felt like living in an endless dream
But the sound of the breaking shield
Woke me up and gave me what I need.

I’m crying here alone and lonely,
Thinking that you’re here beside me,
By the memories we’ve been shared,
And it will never fade.

If you only knew the pain that I felt,
If only time would only reveal those sleepless night I’ve spent
Wondering and murmuring your name
Seems like dying and losing in vain.

Living in a world of pretensions,
Easily put me in depression.
After all that I’ve been through
Nevertheless, I’m moved on.
Now, I want you till the end
Even in yours, I’m just a friend.

Win or lose, I’ll remain a friend.

...

i dont know what to do right now. I'm still in shock after what happened a while ago. e2 na namn ako. kahit sleepy na and di maganda ang nararamdaman. tatpausin ko to ngaun.

hindi ko tlga alam ung sasabihin ko kanina. takot tlga ako ang nervous at the same time. kasi namn. mahina tlga ang loob ko.

tanggap ko namn lahat ng consequences after what happened in the past. nakahanda ako don. maybe isa sa mga consequences ung nangyari kanina. naramdaman ko ung inis niya sa akin. ok lng un.. gnon tlga ee..

ang tanga ko tlga. sobrang tanga. hindi ko alam na gnon na pla ung nararamdaman niya sa akin. akala ko kasi tama ung ginagawa ko.mali pla.

mahina po kasi tlga ung loob ko. hindi tlga ako matapang pagdating sa ganitong aspeto ng buhay.tanga lng tlga ako.

someone told me taking some risk in this aspect in life, i followed his advice and not i'm suffering from several consequences. i'm not blaming him naman, actually i'm very thankful to his advice. gnon tlga..! hindi lahat ng bagay ay aayon sa gusto mo.

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akala ko okay na ako. na hindi na ako iiyak at masasaktan. pero di pla.. doble pla ung sakit.. dumating na ung karma sa akin. pero okei lng.. gnon tlga. saktuhan lng yan.

at this point in time, hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano dpat knog maramdaman. pero i have to admit, nasaktan ako. sobra. pero like what my friend told me, "take the risk" and now i'm facing it.

hai di ko na kaya..

im done with this.

yesterday..

kahapon dumating na siya. namiss ko namn siya. guilty namn ako ee. kaso nga lng hindi ko siya makausap for several reasons. (kailangan ko pa bang i enumerate?) cge.

; hindi ko kasi alam ung tamang approach sa kanya kahapon.

; i'm avoiding the "tuksuhan" thing. medjo awkward for the both of us. alam ko un. kaya medjo tantiyado ko dpat ung mga bagay na ginagawa ko. ayoko tlga nun..hai...

; di ko alam ung mga sasabihin ko. Hi lng ataang lam kong sabhin.. wahehe.. :-)

; baka hindi ako pansinin?.. wahehehe! *whatever.

; busy ako?. san?.. wahaha! (wala lng ako maisip) di ba avhie???... alam mo na! (special mention)!wahaha!

; move on na ako. ayaw ko na magkaroon pa ng PART 2. joke lng.. wala namn na akong plans na magkaroon ng book 2 yon. tama na ung isa.hehe! :-)

; meron na.. yun na un!.. :-)

.... so ayan. nakapag-enumerate na ako. basta yan na yun.

gusto ko pa rin namn mabalik nug dati. kaso parang mahirap na because of the past. gnon na tlga yun. ewan ko ba..! basta ayaw ko lang magkaroon ng tuksuhan. kasi maiilang ako, at alam ko namng maiilang din siya ee. kaya hindi ko na lang siya nakausap kagabi. i hope mamaya, maybe tom. or kung kelan man, makausap ko siya, and i know there's a way to do that. and yestreday was not the right time.

sabi nga nila, dont concetrate on the past, just look forward and think for the future. tama ba?gnon tlga.
minsan kasi nabubuhay pa ako sa past. and alam kong mali yun, kaya minsan ako ang talo.

hayaan niyo, pag nagkalakas ako ng loob, makakausap ko din siya... di ba no? oo ka na lng..!

... pero sa ngaun masaya ako. masayang masaya. kahit single but taken (naguluhan ka no?) masaya namn, and hindi ko iniintindi ung mga bagay na nakkagulo lng saken ngaun. good luck nlng saken di ba?

ayan.. nakapagpost ult sa blog... blog blog blog!

au revoir!

an update..

its been a long time since i post here again.(why my posts always start with this?) I'm too busy, playing in facebook like farm town, pet society, and many others. also i'm quite lazy posting some stupid thoughts of mine.. eerr!

I will just give you an overview what happened to me for the past few weeks.

We watched a couple of movies ( The Coffin, Orphan, Ice Age 3) with my best buddies. (Elaine, Leanne, Derrick). Orphan is the best by the way. And on Friday, we will be watching some DVDs. I know it will have a lot of fun.

I'm starting to build my body. actually my body is still aching. but i will not give up. i can do this.. wahahaha..ouch! i hope i can continue it tomorrow. thank you to my trainers, Derrick and Jarrie( Captain Barbell)..:-)

i'm almost done reading New Moon. a lot of thanks to my confidante and closest friend, Chynna Suzuki.. i love you mah friend.. i really hate Bella Swan in this book. i don't know! she's a flirt.. argh! get lost Bella!

i really hate whats happening in American Idol. i really want Paula Abdul for the show..(no haters please). haha! but i think she deserves everything. i hope AI will maintain there spot on top. Good Luck!. but i still love the show.. i love you Paula!

Still addicted to David Archuleta, Anoop Desai, and Marky Cielo. is it obvious? i'm thinking if i can add Danny Gokey. i really lvoe his version of Jesus Take the Wheel, You are so Beautiful, and What Hurts the Most. Go Go Gokey!

I hate friendster now. i dont know why. maybe because they dont have new features for the site so i become one of them.(the haters)...:-)

I'm currently downloading El Crimen del Padre Amaro. thanks to my Professor, Sir Nico Tarrayo for showing us this kind of masterpiece.. i love it..

My pet Chule (named after Archuleta) soon will give birth. i will save one for me and i will name it ANOOPIE or... secret for now.

I'm happy what's happening in my life now, very smooth sailing. i can smile now, without worries.

i'm falling in love right now.. but i dont want to talk about it for now. maybe sooner or later. i don't know. but the most important is i'm very much happy. :-)

good night and thank you for reading this stupid post.

the truth

actually, i dont know what will i post next here. thank you to those still reading my blog. that's all i can give you guys.really thank you. i really appreciate it.

this past few days, i got busy with the facebook. almost half of the day, i was there. playing different games like pet society, farm town. resto city, farm ville, barnbuddy, and my favorite typing maniac. i have 2 days per week class so i have a lot of time to play those games. i love my schedule. but still nervous about our thesis. haai..

last thursday was fun. we went to SM Centerpoint with my Rocka friends (Chyna, Russell, Marvin, Marky, Michael, Arielle, Tin with Boyfriend). it was fun being with them in that place. we took picture in Tronix and played some video games in Quantum. i'm really happy that time. we decided to leave the place by 9pm. wooh!

i'm still enjoying my new memory card. i have 152 songs there. i cant play it all in one day but its okay.

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minsan sa buhay ng tao, nagiging emo tayo. nageemote. natural lang naman un lalo na kung talgang nararamdaman mo un.. kaya sa mga taong walang magawa. maiingit kau..! good bye!

i'm back..

this past few days, i always want to go outside. I'll left our house by 7pm and return by 1am onwards. and i did it for several times. but yesterday was different. i don't know why. maybe my boss arrived yesterday from hongkong. they told me that my aura was different (maybe the new haircut) or maybe i'm still moving on. its been a long time since i didn't see my boss, but until now i can't overcome my fear and shyness.

last night they texted me that i should go outside and talked to them. and i did. but still i can't speak and i moved differently. i also noticed it. Marvin even teased me that "nagbago na daw ako". but i think i'm not. i'm in the mood last night, but the problem is i don't have any stories to tell.

i don't want this feeling. but i can't help it. i know i'm still in pain. i nkow i'm still in love. and i know i'm still moving on. doing the same things all over again and again.

napansin ko lang din na nagbago ung isa kong kaibigan. hindi siya ung nakilala kong kaibigan ee. parang nakikita ko na sa kanya kahapon ung tunay na tingin niya sa akin. i dont know. bhala na. isa lng namn ang naiisip kong sulusyon jan ee.pero i will sare this on my next blog (probably).

"ill take the rivers side, i'll take the happy times, i'll take the moments of disaster"

i loved this lines. very meaningful and i can relate. hai... love tlga oh.. nababaliw na ako.. hai..

to end this post, i must say that.. i need to moved on! short but meaningful.

ciao..!

i don't what will i write right now. maybe i'm still in pain. but not that much.

jealousy. for me is selfishness. this past few days, i feel this kind of feeling. i don't know why. i don't want to elaborate it because its not good to share. but i really feel jealous..dang!

ewan ko ba.. naiinis ako at nararamdaman ko yon. i cant tell anyone about my feelings. even my closest friend. kasi namn ayoko tlga non. hindi ko naman ginusto ee... ppero bakit gnon diba?

do i really need to feel this way. i became slefish this paSt few days. maybe because i cant tell them what are my plans in life. i'm not yet ready. but i'm hoping that time will come and i have the strength to tell them.

minsan lng ako makaramdam ng ganitong feeling. minsan na sa buhay ko ay napagdaanan ko ang gnitong situation. and sasabihin ko sa inyo na hindi ako masaya.YES! i'm not happy. akala siguro ng lahat na masaya ako lagi, na kaya kong itago ang lahat. pero hindi. even the closest friend of mine have no idea aobut my situation right now.

minsan gusto ko siya. minsan hindi. minsan kinikilig ako sa kanya. minsan parang wala lng.
wala naman siyang pakialam dun ee. pero gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na "HEY! I LIKE YOU!" but i can't.
i'm still moving on with my boss. and hindi ko pa kaya ang lahat.

mixed emotions.. yan ang nararamdaman ko. every time na kasma ko siya. hindi ko alam kung totoo na ba ito o hindi pa. hindi namn ako nagmamadaling malaman ee.. as much as possible ayoko pa.!..

nakakramdam ako ng selos every time na may kasama siya, pero pag kasama ko siya, i cant feel any "kilig" factor. so hindi ko alam kung gusto ko ba siya o hindi!. nagmumukha lng aknog tanga minsan..! awts!

last week, i told my friends that i want to be a fish. wala kasing emotion ang mga isda. you will not know if he's happy or sad. di ba maganda yun?..

nakakainis. nakakaasar. nakakagutom. nakakastress. kung alam ko lng na makakramdam ako ng ganito sana hindi ko na lng tinuloy ang mga nauna knog desisyon. kasi it will leads it to a deepeer feeling. which i don't like. kasi hindi maganda..

ako pala ung masasaktan. ako pala ung nagmumukang tanga. ako pala ung iiyak. ako pala!

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next tym nlng ha.. naiinis pa kasi ako tlga...